The mask that I wear

The mask that I wear

I need to finally tell the truth and admit to all of
you but more importantly to myself that I have
been living a lie, all of this time, that I have been
doing okay after you left me on that dark rainy
summer day, you see this is a mask that I now
wear to hide all of the pain on my face coming
from the deep sadness that I feel when I say
"I am doing okay" is a lie as the tears that fall
and the heartaches that well up inside of me
even after all of this time has gone for whenever
I turn on the radio and hear our favorite song I
still start cry as it brings back all of the memories
of all those painful days, and when I am all alone
at the end of the day fighting back the tears day
after day as I look all around and see all the
reminders of you start to flow like the rain down
my tired face just like a raging river washing
away everything in Its path and flooding my tired
mind with your goodbye time after time.
I hide the deep darkness from everyone that I see
and I say that I am okay but anyone who
really knows me knows that it is all just a
lie so everyone leaves me alone as I hide
behind all of the smiles and laughter sitting here
just waiting for your call by the phone hoping
and praying that you will change your mind and
come back to our empty home. Maybe one of these
days all if my pain and sadness will just fall away
and the mask that I now wear will come down too
and fade away letting the smiles and laughter to
be real again but I will keep up the lie until my
heart and soul can feel like they no longer want
to die and I will wear this mask until then.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
A Poet's Journey