Showing posts from November, 2019

I am a man

I AM A MAN...  I am not really sure whether or not I should hate and despise you cursing  out whenever I hear your name or  idolize and praise you for the masterful  way you destroyed me with all your  evil games, causing me to forever  now hang my head down in shame  while always having to feel the  excruciating pain from all the broken  hearts you have ever caused me, even while you kept on laughing deep down  inside because your sick twisted  mind thinks it is funny to watch  me as I bleed, falling on my knees  while pleading for my life begging  please show me just a little bit of  attention only needing some love and  affection but never receiving anything but abuse of which I cannot even  mention, nothing at all, no kissing,  or touching, not even some hugging,  always making me feel as if I was one  of the loneliest person's alive that has  left me with several afflictions like PTSD and severe clinical depression hoping n


This week brings on the start of the holiday season which is considered the highest concentration of suicides. If you know someone who is depressed please check on them more often the next few weeks. Suicide prevention hotline 1-800-273-8255 call and talk to someone before its to late. Demons These demons I fight I know are for real,  from the scars on my heart to this pain  that will not heal. I lay in my bed but at night I am awake,  for the dark ones have taken all of my  dreams to forsake. My fate has been sealed and with  God's help I tried, but my world is  now over as it fell fast to their side for my entire life has been nothing but  one day in hell, and because it meant  nothing to me the faster I fell. I fought back for my freedom and for  the last of my sons, the fight for Ryder I  beat easy but for addiction well it is still on. I fought hard with the courage of his  only son, but at the end of the battle  I was still only

We were all born

We were all born We were all born on this planet down here  together but nobody really even cares from  all of the garbage that we create and throw  on the ground to all the pollution that we pump  up in the air we are all divided by race, wealth  and the color of our skins and for what I mean really  all sides are wrong we all share equally in that sin Just look around and you will see all of the  violence and hate, from a man in his ninties being  robbed of two dollars to teenage young  women being drugged to little girls going out  and getting raped Innocence has been lost forever i am afraid with our  children dying more now on the streets  the reasons are simple and if you just open  your eyes you will see that  the family that used to bind us together that  taught us all love and respect they are  now gone for forever because of addiction and other deamons so now the world that we live and created is now dying faster everyday and it 

Paralyzed by my hate and anger

paralyzed by my hate and anger  There are those very few days anymore that I can wake up feeling normal knowing that everything is going to be okay for at least that one day anyways, when I know that another dawn is coming and what I mean by that is, in my life that I now live they are very far and rarely ever seen, when I can open my eyes in the morning, from a very restless night of sleep to the beautiful bright rays of sunshine shinning its warmth down upon me, causing an unexpected smile to spread across my face with feelings of unfamiliar calmness and deep-down inner peace, which starts my mind searching to find and play hidden movies of precious memories that were thought long ago erased, filled with nothing but beautiful scenery and happy people looking so much like they are famous actors who are acting out a scene upon a lighted stage somewhere in well-known play, reminding me of some other place far away, way back in another time a separat

All I got was you

All i got was you...  You want me to write you a love  poem when you never read any   in the past, well here it is "One  time long ago I thought that I  fell in love with you, the end",  just  like this piece of poetry it did not  last long, unfortunately we did, why? because I believed in that poem and tried everything I could but I never would feel the way you are supposed too in a love poem, I  gave all that I had and then some I loved until it the pain was so unbearable that all I had was  numb I cried so many tears that none will fall again, my heart broke so many times it will never  beat again, i have fallen so deep into to darkness that light now hurts my eyes and i will feel nothing for anyone until I die, love to me is nothing more then a fairy tale full of lies a nightmare  filled with demons that fill my days and nights, you have shown me that what love is a poison for your soul well you can it have back yo


Intoxicating Your very essence is so very intoxicating to me that it causes me to become drunk by  your beauty as it is  pumped from a pounding heart causing my  pen to embark on a whole new verse that  reads making love to you is all I want to do  from when the sun goes down until it rises up again then the night falls and dark  is all around the stars light our path like  fireflies by the sand and the moon begins  the glow showing us where we need to go  as tears and sweat fall from our bodies  become one lost in time our hearts pounding hard beating out the melody of who and  what we are while our souls are  holding on  to the others hand in hand dancing through  the skies where no one has ever been searching  for eternity through the ocean of forever while we are here and now together until the ink runs dry just as you and I become lost in one another’s eyes paralyzed by all that we will be at the precibus of our life as you a

it was the best of times

"The Best Of Times" Tonight's the night we'll make history, honey, you and I And I'll take any risk to tie back the hands of time And stay with you here tonight I know you feel these are the worst of times Baby I know, you wouldn't have to cry I do believe it's true When people lock their doors and hide inside Rumor has it it's the end of Paradise But I know, if the world just passed us by The best of times are when I'm alone with you Some rain some shine, we'll make this a world for two Our memories of yesterday will last a lifetime We'll take the best, forget the rest And someday we'll find these are the best of times These are the best of times I do believe it's true Styx          Charles Dickens wrote "It was the best of times,  it was the worst of times" but to tell the truth of the matter for me, it seemed anyways that it was nothing  more than a time that was filled with chaos and much  confusion and of course cha c

The little angel Astrafina

The little angel Astrafina I was sitting alone on the couch downstairs one evening after Ryder went to bed, feeling very restless somewhere in my soul and in my head, when I notice a moth flying around I blinked for a split second then the saw the a moth was flying slower, I do not mean as in just hanging around I mean its wings were starting to slow down like time itself was causing everything around me to suddenly go into slow motion until there was scarcely any movement at all, even though I was the same, it did not scare me by any means for I have felt this many times in the last five years so I knew I was expecting a visit from someone or someone's high above, I smiled because I had not seen my friends in quite a while so I waited and waited until I felt something staring at me, so I said out loud "I know that you are here for I can feel the clean cool breeze on my skin coming from y

My story too

My story too As I sit here again right next to you and look up and down at your beautiful body, the ink starts to flow freely filling up my Poets pen causing a slight swelling as it is pumped from a loving heart that  still and always will remember you as my  now awakening soul wonders to itself as  it senses the familiar scent of another that  it once held ever lovingly close in its arms  then searching now for what seems like  forever for the love and happiness that  it used to know but since lost in a world of  deep emotional scars from others who never  could let them be for their own selfish needs  as the memories start playing like a broken movie reel repeating the same scenes constantly  from one night of desperately wanted and  very much needed passionate love, when the bed was soaked in your orgasmic sweat back in a desperate time when two broken souls who was so very lonely met filled with sorrow  and regrets both needing each other and left  all alon

Please don't ever feed them

Please don't ever feed them The hardest part of fighting your own demons  is when nobody sees you fall, you battle your  darkness day and night while giving it you're all  sometimes though you will win with no glory to  be found but when you lose there is nobody there  to help you stand back up tall for they have seen  the battles many times before, some you win some you lose and even some you call a tie but they  all grow tired and bored with a demon that will  not die giving up hope you will win the war that  you now wage while fighting for your life, addiction  shall destroy us all if we do not get some help  for what they use against this plague always falls  just a few steps short and praying every night does wonders for a soul but cannot help those that roll  a big fat bowl and God himself cannot help us In this war that we now wage as whole families are  being decimated by the thousands day after day  I am afraid to say that the battle we fight agai

Fighting Demons

Fighting Demons Fighting demons every day is a never-ending battle I would certainly say, the darkness comes in like the  night no matter what you try you cannot stop it so you just need to fight, depression, PTSD, addiction,  mental illness, they all are an enemy that comes from inside as your emotions are fighting each other in a world war me. no matter what your battle is it will be long and bloody but you can fight it, I do know this, it is a war that you must fight all alone deep down in your mind heart and soul, No one knows how hard the battles will rage, you cannot escape it as two fighters locked inside  a cage, day and night the war goes on the more you fight the more It will come on, Throwing fist into empty air fighting an enemy that just is not there, fighting demons is on one front, while friends and family are on separate one, they say take a pill or it is not really real, why don't you  chill or just smile even still are words that we hear that