Off of a cliff.

I along with millions of others struggle with severe clinical depression, we cannot just smile or take a pill to feel better, just because we do not look sick does not mean we are not.

Edge of a cliff.

I struggle every single day
when the alarm goes off just
to wake up in the morning
to start my day, so damn tired
still from the night before
back and forth
up and down
trying so hard to fall asleep,
laying there in my bed all alone
in the dark trying to talk
myself down off the edge
thinking to myself as I am
shaking my head that something
is definitely not right, what the
hell is wrong with me why is
everything that I try to do
need to be so damn hard
because it seems to me that
life has got to be so much
better than this, look over at
my phone to see what time
it is even what day, knowing
that nobody called they never
do not even to check up on
me, wondering if maybe I
would be better of dead as
tears start to fall thinking
out loud even if I was would
anybody care or know that
I was gone anyways, yawn
real big, stretch feeling like I
am a hundred years old
when I am only half that age,
stumbling into the bathroom
turn on the light look into
the dirty mirror asking the
distorted reflection that is
looking back at me "who
are you? Actually better yet
who in the hell am I? Because
I really do not know anymore
where I used to laugh now
I cry I now see dark whereas
before it was the light, I used
to dream no longer as only
nightmares fill my head, hope
is something I lost long ago
replaced by sorrow and regret
strength I have none to spare
as guilt has taken over along
with nothing but deep despair
and family they just do not
understand just take a pill
is what they say or just smile
your just looking for attention
and friends I am sure they are
still there but I just do not want
to hang out anymore in fact I
Do not want to do anything at
all, I wish and I pray that I feel
better soon because I can feel
myself fading away a little more
day by day and pretty soon
I am afraid there will not be
anyone left at all.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
A Poets Journey


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