Posts

Moving down deep

Moving down deep.
I have been surrounded by a darkness  that somehow seems to be alive,  for the harder I try to fight it, the  colder I become, I can feel it moving  way down deep inside, growing  stronger every day consuming  who I was and used to be and some  of who I am today making it hard  for me to think causing me to panic  so it is hard for me to breath, with a  pain in my chest as it wraps itself  around my heart constricting  so hard  that it feels as if it is crushing my very  soul never showing mercy squeezing  the last remaining life out of me until  I finally pass out falling exhausted,  still in disbelief wishing it was only  just a dream yet knowing it is more a  nightmare, as my eyes have remained  wide open throughout the whole  ordeal but could never see what  was really happening to me just  trying hard to survive always wondering  why me while wiping tears from my face  which is nothing more than a hopeless  chase as they fall everyday anyways,  only to crash upon the ground never to  be fo…

Life goes on

Life goes on
I unlock my front door turn the knob and slowly open it letting the sunlight hit  me melting away the darkness that  was covering my skin melting it away causing  a smile to form feeling like a butterfly  emerging from its cocoon allowing me  to spread my wings and feel free, then
I breath in and then slowly I let it out 
putting one foot in front of the other  day in and day out ever since you  left me I am just trying to figure it  all out taking one day at a time relearning  how do things by myself like a child all  over again now that it is only just me again  not you and I, its been hard I will not lie but you know what? I will be just fine I did it before you came along and I will do  once again just you wait and see,  because I had lived my life just as happy as I could ever be before it was ever  you and me, oh my heart? Well, it has  been broken many times before and  I am quite sure that it will not be the last  time either, and I got through it breathing and  still alive just like I w…

Loves War

Every time that we begin to fall in love it becomes a gamble, or a risk that we all must take never knowing if it is going to be a true love or just a reasonable facsimile that contains almost every piece and facet of what true love is really suppose to be you see love is what makes humans who and what we truly are and where we are going in this life and even though love is only just a four letter word it is very complex one. It can mean so many things to so many people I think it has gotten lost over translation and time, love is not a word that you throw out there because we have all been conditioned to repeat back as if we were parrots doing a trick, For example there are so many different types and even meanings that come with a whole lot of feelings which continues to leave us reeling, like the love between two star crossed lovers, between a mother and her son or daughter, between a brother and sister, you cannot forget the one between a dog and his master, or even my love of ea…

The revelation of our anticipation.

The revelation of our anticipation
Good night sweetheart I just wanted  you to know how much I love you and that I am looking forward to waking  up every single morning to the revelation  of an anticipation in the participation with  the reciprocation of making love to you  because of the never-ending expectation  of our complete and total dedication  without any apprehension or even the preconception that our love will be everlastingly and endlessly forever true,  so I wanted you to know unequivocally that I absolutely unquestionably  genuinely am totally and so completely in love with you, for you are the one true  love whom I so adore and I could never  ask for more for you have made all of my  wishes and all my dreams come true.
Poet Richard M Knittle Jr. A Poet's Journey Texas Poet Laureate Nominee 2016-2020

As I drive to work today

As I drive to work today
As I drive to work today tears will fall  streaming down my pale tired face why you say? Well because they do  that every day, they fall for lost loves  of my past and happiness that never  last for all my sons I hold so dear and  a future bleak that I now fear even the  thought that I will die alone when I  knock there is no one home I cry for  sorrow and deep regrets for good  friends I lost and will never forget,  or a son that is not mine whom I  searched forever and could not find  I cry for the homeless ones now on  the streets and dying addicts I will  never meet for truth and justice that  never come and innocence lost to  some is that the answer that you seek  because those reasons are just a peek for peace and strength no longer mine  and the will to live I cannot find a battle lost that took its toll as the  darkness came and destroyed my  soul a heart that is broken beyond  repair that is filled with anger and much  despair for a love whose heart …

I am a man

I AM A MAN... 
I am not really sure whether or not I should hate and despise you cursing  out whenever I hear your name or  idolize and praise you for the masterful  way you destroyed me with all your  evil games, causing me to forever  now hang my head down in shame  while always having to feel the  excruciating pain from all the broken  hearts you have ever caused me, even while you kept on laughing deep down  inside because your sick twisted  mind thinks it is funny to watch  me as I bleed, falling on my knees  while pleading for my life begging  please show me just a little bit of  attention only needing some love and  affection but never receiving anything but abuse of which I cannot even  mention, nothing at all, no kissing,  or touching, not even some hugging,  always making me feel as if I was one  of the loneliest person's alive that has  left me with several afflictions like PTSD and severe clinical depression hoping no  wishing praying that I could just die... 
But I d…

Demons

This week brings on the start of the holiday season which is considered the highest concentration of suicides. If you know someone who is depressed please check on them more often the next few weeks.
Suicide prevention hotline 1-800-273-8255 call and talk to someone before its to late.
Demons
These demons I fight I know are for real,  from the scars on my heart to this pain  that will not heal. I lay in my bed but at night I am awake,  for the dark ones have taken all of my  dreams to forsake. My fate has been sealed and with  God's help I tried, but my world is  now over as it fell fast to their side for my entire life has been nothing but  one day in hell, and because it meant  nothing to me the faster I fell. I fought back for my freedom and for  the last of my sons, the fight for Ryder I  beat easy but for addiction well it is still on. I fought hard with the courage of his  only son, but at the end of the battle  I was still only one so to all those friends that I have taken…