blessing or a curse

Blessing or curse 

I am still not really quite sure if
knowing you all of these years has 
been a blessing or a curse or could even 
be maybe just a little bit of both, 
part of me is so very grateful that in 
my life I got to know someone who is 
as
beautiful as you, for it is like checking
out a beautiful priceless piece of
treasured art whose real beauty 
can only be seen up close, to see
the individual brush strokes along
with the vibrant colors gorgeous
curves and lines on a painting that
has been around for a thousand
years maybe more that may have
In fact taken the artist maybe
years 
even a whole lifetime to
finish, and 
yet it took only just a few brief 
moments, just several grains of sand, 
just the tick of a tock on a clock, 
to see, that the real beauty was not
only on the outside that anyone 
can obviously see no I am talking 
deep down the beauty that lives 
inside of you, your beating heart and 
free and wild soul that shall never 
be tamed, so ever since we first 
met whenever you are around or I hear 
your voice
no matter how I am feeling you
put a smile on my face causing 
me
to fall in love with you on several
different levels, which is also a
curse that I will always carry as I 
know now that you will never feel the 
same for me, and even though 
throughout the many years, we have 
been so many different
things to 
each other I truly feel very blessed 
to have had the pleasure of knowing 
you and even after all of the laughter 
and the many tears that we both had 
to endure the one thing that has
remained is a bond that we share 
created many years ago so that when 
we have taken on the different paths 
in life, when they do cross again 
and they always will, it is like
seeing 
an old lost friend, you see
life is a 
sometimes a funny thing
causing 
situations to always change except 
for my feelings that seem to grow 
stronger every day, which is where the 
the curse comes in to be or not to be 
that is the real question that I must 
alone always continue to ask me, myself, 
and I which is solely on me, not you or
yourself at all. Do I step back
and move 
on to a different path or stay the course 
sure and steady which I am so unsure 
of, for as my greatest muse the one 
who inspires me in so many ways 
giving me the inspiration to write 
some of the most beautiful
pieces 
of poetry that I have or will have 
ever written as my friend I am
always 
wanting more as a former
lover I will 
always regret that it ended and so 
on so forth which I have found you 
have become somehow every thought I 
think every wish I wish for and every 
dream that I dream at night, and all 
my nightmares too, so can you tell 
me what I should do? Dare I wait for 
an answer I know will never come? 
Or just thank God for what we had, 
what we have, and wait to see what 
tomorrow will bring? What ever 
happens just know that I will alway 
love you no matter if you love me too. 

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr. 
A Poet's Journey 
A Texas Poet Laureate Nominee 2016-2020

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