If you loved me

If you loved me I feel so very numb and tired every day that I wake up to you here in a bed that feels so icy cold never knowing the warmth of another's skin or the heat of passion making love over and over again so please I am down here in front of you upon my knees begging you while I am praying to God to open up his eyes and see that If there was any kind of chance that you may have loved me at any other time before, even for just a split second, then please go ahead and pull that trigger let me die do not try and save me because I cannot stand the bitter feeling of loneliness of being with you even for a few more minutes anymore, I mean why are you still denying every single lie that you ever tell even with proof like pictures, my own eyes or even the phone bill is way past my understanding and beyond my complete and total comprehensible scope of rhyme reason or even rationality. Why do you sleep around in every town we live with every guy that you meet even strangers on the street when I turn my back for only a moment or I am not around is a total lack of any kind of respect in this comedic tragedy that has been written to destroy my hope for the survival of humanity or even my feelings and emotions or sanity that you rip away from inside of me where I am already dying just so you can throw on the ground day after day stomping and smashing as you are jumping up and and down with your feet like it is joyous occasion breaking it apart into about a million pieces while never understanding or even trying to at least attempt in caring for anything or anyone as you are nothing more then a selfish without any purpose in this life horrendous mother, friend, or wife sociopath verifiable narcissistic diabolical and evil manipulator that will never be able to share any kind of love at all except for the person you wake up too while looking every morning in the mirror and the twisted reflection whom you see and that is who you are and will always be. So If you ever have really loved me then you would let me go, as you have already beaten, bloodied and broken me inside throughout my entire messed up mind, scared and barely beating broken heart, and even lonely shattered damaged soul. As I now feel the pain coming from deep down inside so if you have ever loved me and I am talking for even just a minute then take that knife from out of my back and plunge it in my chest let me bleed out slowly down upon the ground below me I will not fight you or raise a single hand in protest anymore I will not scream or shout for it does nothing except make me hoarse until I can no longer talk so I say now before it is to late that if any small part of you that you even think might now or have at all in the past loved me then let me go set me free then walk away let me at least try to find a true honest to goodness real love to hold and touch to give and receive affection so that I can at least feel once again like I was a human before I die in peacefully. Poet Richard M Knittle Jr. A #Poets Journey