I am afraid to say.

I am afraid to say 


I am afraid to say that the last remaining love 
that I had held for you after all these many 
years has sadly finally died last night, it passed 
away quietly without making even a sound as 
we both were laying right here on this bed with 
not a word being said facing opposite of each 
other in a room that we made into a home at 
one time together but like so many times in the 
past so very far apart from one another, living
like we are aliens in two separate worlds in
another dimension never seeing the other in 
person just a feeling like a déjà vu moment 
seeing the shadows from out of the corner 
of your eyes with a sensation that this place 
once held happy times, yet you cannot quite pin
point the who, what, when and the why like 
tiny fragments of a broken memory that 
look a little bit like,  no just like all of the tiny 
broken pieces of a heart that has been beaten 
down, bloodied, bruised, tied up and mistreated 
giving up the dream of ever seeing what true 
love really is and just so you know there will
be no memorial ever given out of respect for 
memories still out and missing nor will there 
be any grave or digging down into the hard
ground creating a six foot hole somewhere 
from nowhere in an unmarked grave, where 
it belongs like my sometimes angry temper 
and all of your fake emotions from a love 
that I never really had since you will never 
know what love really is, so let us just say 
that we have tried so many times in so many
places for all of these many long years we 
have run out of excuses of why this is so 
ridiculous that it has deformed as it transformed 
us from best friends and passionate lovers 
to two compete and total strangers who 
instead of love now hate and despise each 
other blaming the other for changing us to
who we are today and for what please can 
you give me a reason why? But I have grown 
so much stronger given the strength by He
we believe in from when I was blind he let
all his light in and now I can see, no longer 
hidden from all the smoke and fire caused 
by my passion of love and desire from my 
own eyes and now I have the truth to beholden
not like all the lies that we both told at one 
time or another as you tried so hard to conspire
against me as you hid all of your desires from
me but given away to the many different 
affairs that had, now today to tell the truth 
you know it does not matter anymore placing 
blame is such a waste of time and I am getting 
older not younger and it is time that I live 
my life being happy by myself or with another 
who actually will love me for who I am just 
me, as I will love them back just as much as 
they give too, giving me much needed 
attention and affection unlike you have ever 
done. So let us just stop all the fighting talking
under our breath calling each other names and
end this charade and all of the games played
as I am so tired of being ignored left to feel
all alone while having this always unchanging 
never ending discussion with no more words 
being needed as there are to many words
being wasted between us, for you and I are 
no longer a me and you as we are so very 
long overdue, expired with no chance on being 
revived or refreshed, finished, dead on arrival
and done, I am so glad that I am no longer
a prisoner of my wounded and battered 
emotions, escaping the jail cell of my own
design put there by you from your years
of abuse of my heart mind and soul, so 
goodbye and good luck in your life filled 
of lies that have been mapped out in your
mind that has been mixed and short 
circuited by addiction of which you have 
a condition of an evil affliction of an epic 
proportion from a selfishness that you 
have perfected and one that I no longer 
need to put up with because I am moving 
on up to the me side of town no longer 
the clown you made of me the one I fell 
back in love with again standing tall 
and able to look at my reflection in the
mirror every morning and respond to 
with hey how are you doing? I am just
fine my old friend. So I need to bid you 
adieu, adiós, addio, adeus, goodbye.


Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
A #Poets Journey

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