Hope (A prayer for Ryder)

Hope
(A prayer for Ryder)

I was sitting alone in the park
one day at lunch and I sat on
the same bench where Ryder
and I used to play. We would
sing our songs, laugh, and pray,
while letting the world pass
by, those were bright and
sunny days of just him and I.
Then as I looked up it hit me,
I was staring right at the tree
where I carved out our initials
for everyone to see.
So I stood up walked over
and I looked but all the tears
that had started falling made
it extremely hard for me to
see but then I found what I
was searching for and it
read:

“I love Ryder and Ryder love's me.”

All of sudden I got a huge
very sharp pain deep down
in the center of my chest, I
fell down hard to the ground,
it hit me so hard that it had
knocked me to my knees. I
looked around and saw that
everyone was watching,
then I threw my fist up into
the air then lifted my head up to
God and I screamed just as
loud as I could:

“Why me?”

"Why would you bring him
into my life, knowing
how much that I would care? I
gave that little boy
everything I had left to give in
my heart and in my soul, all
the strength I had left don’t you
understand God that he was the
only reason I am still
here, he was my only will I
had to live." Then I stood up and
I screamed so that everyone could
hear,

"I hate you God that wasn't
fair, and now I live with all of
these memories of him and I
that play over, stuck in my
head and no not like a
dream. No, for now, my life is
nothing but a living nightmare."
Then I sighed and I start to walk away
and I heard out of nowhere a little
voice calling out to me, and I
say "Ryder its okay son, I am
right here” and look all around,
but there was nobody here.
Then I hang my head in shame
and in a whisper I say,

“I am sorry God I didn't mean
what I said but I am finished
down here please take me
because I would rather be
dead. I hurt so bad every
single day from a heart that
is broken, it will never heal,
and a soul that is dying and
can no longer feel, he is my
son no matter what they say
or do, Ryder is my little bundle of
joy and I miss him so very
bad. I am so damn tired of
hurting from all this sorrow
and regret, I am so damn
lonely and sad.” then I looked
down and cried and I sobbed.

But then I remembered that
God had a son once too, his
name was Jesus and he did
understand. Then I felt His
hand as he placed it on my
head and I felt Him as my
heart filled with so much joy
and love. He wanted me to
know that He was listening
from His home high above!

“For God so loved the world,
that He gave His only
begotten Son, that whoever
believes in Him shall not perish,
but have eternal life”
so I opened up my heart once
again and I let him back in.

Today I still hurt and I still cry
for my missing son Ryder,
but now I know our Lord who
is up in Heaven above is
watching, and he will let me
see my son one day
because it is our destiny our
fate, either down here on
earth or high above at
heaven’s gate and that is
what I now pray every
night before I go to sleep.

In his name Amen!

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
A #Poets Journey

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