Hope (A prayer for Ryder)

Hope

(A prayer for Ryder)

I was sitting alone in the park

one day at lunch and I sat on

the same bench where Ryder

and I used to play. We would

sing our songs, laugh, and pray,

while letting the world pass

by, those were bright and

sunny days of just him and I.

Then as I looked up it hit me,

I was staring right at the tree

where I carved out our initials

for everyone to see.

So I stood up walked over

and I looked but all the tears

that had started falling made

it extremely hard for me to

see but then I found what I

was searching for and it

read:

“I love Ryder and Ryder love's me.”

All of sudden I got a huge

very sharp pain deep down

in the center of my chest, I

fell down hard to the ground,

it hit me so hard that it had

knocked me to my knees. I

looked around and saw that

everyone was watching,

then I threw my fist up into

the air then lifted my head up to

God and I screamed just as

loud as I could:

“Why me?”

"Why would you bring him

into my life, knowing

how much that I would care? I

gave that little boy

everything I had left to give in

my heart and in my soul, all

the strength I had left don’t you

understand God that he was the

only reason I am still

here, he was my only will I

had to live." Then I stood up and

I screamed so that everyone could

hear,

"I hate you God that wasn't

fair, and now I live with all of

these memories of him and I

that play over, stuck in my

head and no not like a

dream. No, for now, my life is

nothing but a living nightmare."

Then I sighed and I start to walk away

and I heard out of nowhere a little

voice calling out to me, and I

say "Ryder its okay son, I am

right here” and look all around,

but there was nobody here.

Then I hang my head in shame

and in a whisper I say,

“I am sorry God I didn't mean

what I said but I am finished

down here please take me

because I would rather be

dead. I hurt so bad every

single day from a heart that

is broken, it will never heal,

and a soul that is dying and

can no longer feel, he is my

son no matter what they say

or do, Ryder is my little bundle of

joy and I miss him so very

bad. I am so damn tired of

hurting from all this sorrow

and regret, I am so damn

lonely and sad.” then I looked

down and cried and I sobbed.

But then I remembered that

God had a son once too, his

name was Jesus and he did

understand. Then I felt His

hand as he placed it on my

head and I felt Him as my

heart filled with so much joy

and love. He wanted me to

know that He was listening

from His home high above!

“For God so loved the world,

that He gave His only

begotten Son, that whoever

believes in Him shall not perish,

but have eternal life”

so I opened up my heart once

again and I let him back in.

Today I still hurt and I still cry

for my missing son Ryder,

but now I know our Lord who

is up in Heaven above is

watching, and he will let me

see my son one day

because it is our destiny our

fate, either down here on

earth or high above at

heaven’s gate and that is

what I now pray every

night before I go to sleep.

In his name Amen!

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.

A #Poets Journey