Once upon a long time ago.

Once upon a long time ago

At one time back in the past once upon 
a long time ago I can still remember a 
very short moment in time when I could 
still feel all of my emotions not just a 
feeling of sadness all of the time, I was 
for the most part happy, I went out with 
my friends we joked and laughed had a 
great time hoping it would last, I had my 
children in my life doing the best that I 
knew how to survive and even though 
we may have argued and disagreed you 
tell me a father and son that didn't and I 
have some ocean front property in Arizona 
to sell you along with a ten foot yacht, 
and family my brother and sister even my 
grandmother, God rest her soul. No, it 
may not have been perfect I had my issues 
that is for sure, like bills to pay there 
was never enough money I had mouths 
to feed three boys that were growing 
eating me out of house and home that was
including myself, but then again as I have 
said before is there anyone out there that
has a perfect life, no, I do not think so. But
at least I was not so lonely as I am now
so riddled with self inflicted guilt full of 
nothing but deep sorrow and never ending 
regret, feeling sorry for myself wishing 
that I could take back every decision I 
had ever made in my life because looking 
back I do not think there was even one 
decision I have ever made that was right 
not a single one at all I should have said no
whenever I said yes, when I said yes I 
should have meant no, I should have had 
my eyes wide open not looking in one 
direction like i was wearing blinders over 
them, I should have said that I love you 
a hell of a lot more often to all of my dear 
sons so they did not need to ask or wonder 
if whenever I was gone, I should have said 
I am sorry and meant it more often for all
the things I have done, I should have been 
a much better father helping out more to 
raise all of them, I should have made those 
phone calls like I always said I would, I 
should have sent them money when they 
needed it anyway I could, I should have
been there more for them when they were 
growing up, I should have made the time 
like I told myself I would no matter what, I 
should have been more honest with myself 
and everyone I should have blamed myself 
instead of placing it on everyone else I 
should have used my time so much wiser 
when I had it instead of using it on women 
drugs and booze I should be down on my 
knees begging God and others for 
forgiveness yes I should of done all of that 
and more back when I had all the time 
in the world or so i thought i did but now 
it is to late for my time is running out so 
I again made another one of my many 
mistakes for time does not care if you are
right or even wrong it never stops for anything
or anyone it is always moving forward never
back never changing speed it always moves
so fast so if I was you and you still got the 
time start making amends for all the things
you, pick up the phone and make that call
let them no how sorry you are and how much
you love them do not wait you just do not
have the time tell those whom you love how 
much they mean to you then show them all.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
A Poet's Journey 

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