I have forgotten

I have forgotten

I wonder what it was I might
have done in my life to
deserve just how it is that I
feel, which I can tell you
starts with a sadness so
deep I can feel it all the way
down to my soul, just like
whenever I close my eye at
night and try to dream a
darkness will take full control
causing my body to shiver
and shake aching from the
bitter cold, I just do not know
why it feels like I am always
so alone no matter who it is
that may be around and why
can I not smile anymore is it
because I have forgotten
what laughter is all about?
Now that I have been 
thinking it seems to me that
the only thing I can feel is
only numb inside, I cannot
love or even hate it is like my
emotions have either got lost
or maybe even died in fact I
do not care about anything at
all not even my own fate, so
now I guess am stuck right
here where I stand since they
all say that you should never
need to go backwards to face
your past again and moving
forward is something that I
just could never quite
comprehend so now I feel 
like I am a zombie walking
here and there like I am in a
fog wandering back and forth
to and fro never remembering
where I was why I was there
then not knowing where it is
I am supposed to go, I try so
hard to scream, shout and or
cry but not a teardrop will fall,
feeling no hurt, no joy, no pain,
no nothing, nothing at all, I look
outside to find the sun but a
darkness is all I see not a single
 ray of light will shine so I fall
hard down to my knees shaking
my head wondering to myself
outloud as I look up to sky not
sure if He is even home or even
worse if I can still believe, for
I have no fear at all of death
or even heaven way above
because I have already been
traveling through the very
depths of hell coming back
from the valley of death
where I left the shadows
of my past alive and well trying
to find my future finding it is
only just a blur watching as
the sands of time now fall
faster then before with each
and every grain of sand
etched with the faces of my
life every single one I had
truly loved who have all but
now forsaken me leaving me
to die alone as true love can
and will never last in a world
such as this.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
A Poet's Journey 


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