My father's son

My fathers son

As I sit here all alone in the dark
on this dirt floor I wonder if it is going
to be my unchangeable destiny to
become my fathers son, so full of
anger and disgust for not turning
out how he wanted me to be for in
his eyes I am a failure who could
never get it right, always shaking his
head when I come into his sight telling
my mother to ask me a question
while he is standing right there in
front of me " what the hell did
he do this time" then walking a way
making me feel so little like I just
committed a heinous crime against
humanity for just being born, causing
me to hate my life so now I just want to
get high picking up the pipe rolling it like
I am playing dice gambling with my life
watching my dreams being completely
destroyed as i watch the reflection of
my pitiful self against the backdrop
of all the rising smoke while drowning 
in a sea of deep regret
and sorrow telling myself just tonight
and I will quit tomorrow but I never do
because to tell the truth I am an addict
living proof of a disease with no cure
screaming for help but never sure if it
will ever come as I go numb so afraid that
I will succumb one day to my demons
from who I run from hiding in the darkness
of the rising sun-hating me, myself and I
always remembering in my mixed mind
never to forgive who I have finally 
become like it was fate for being destined 
to be what I have always been in my 
pitiful wasted and pathetic life
in which I live everyday waking 
in the morning looking in the mirror 
at the man that I now am and who
my he said I would become for I am my
fathers son.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
A #Poets Journey
Texas Poet Laureate Nominee 2016-2020 


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