The end of a love, a muse, and a Poet's journey

This is a chapter from an epic poem a novel I am writing it is a rough piece Grammer and punctuation are minimal..

The end of love, a muse, and a poets journey

That very first time that I ever saw you I knew
right then that one day you and I would be
together in one-way shape or form, then from
that night of our first kiss the very one which
caused a spark to fly causing our fires to rage
out of control especially down below in our
place of heated passion that has at one time
or another burned hotter than any sun ever
known even as our two pounding hearts melted
from the sheer heat that was rising from
the sheets than in the blink of an eye nothing
at all until coming to an abrupt end by your
hand and your hand alone, causing our souls
to disconnect while they became lost and
confused in all of the chaos that ensued as they
were grieving over the loss of a lover and a
friend.

I know that we are definitely soulmates who
have only lost one another in a brutal war between
the powers of good and evil, as the battle for
addiction is ripping apart entire families and
we are just another casualty in this damn war
and I no matter how hard that I tried to help you
to see the light of day I broke myself somewhere
down the way but I never gave up hope that
maybe one day you would open up your beautiful
green eyes and see how much I truly did care
and I never did quit searching for her, the one
who stole my love but after all of these years
I believe the time has finally revealed to me that
I have only been dreaming of the life we have
lived in the past because dreams are what we
hope for, when we close our eyes at night to sleep,
but what I have found is that mine actually are
only remnants or pieces of leftover memories
as I buried all of the bads one to hide all
of the pain that I feel way deep down inside.

I have always thought that our love was meant
to forever last through time and eternity, but
finally, today, after all these years of giving
everything I had to give and more to you,
yet never getting anything back at all, while
all that love that I believed we two have
always shared has been actually nothing
more than just one of the many lies that you
have told to me and somehow you yourself
believe ripping from me my heart and soul
who has given you more than they should
believing they were sharing all they had to
give, but in reality, they were all alone, for your
heart only beats for the blood in your veins
only while your soul was never born at all.
You are the one that is guilty and a trial you
should stand, with the charges brought against
you of murder, chaos, and mayhem, for who
stands here before you now and what I
have now become.

You have played all of your evil games to
someone who only wanted so bad to believe in
you, letting you take him higher than he had
ever been before, then pushing him off the
ledge as you laughed just as hard you could
as he fell to the ground, You have shattered
my heart into a million plus pieces so much
beyond repair that it shall no longer heal and
I place all of the blame on you for you are
the one who laughed out loud while you were
murdering my soul as it has never been
seen from again.

I sincerely hope in this life you find out who
you really are for when you fail this time around
and start to fall once again I will not be there
to save you this time so I hope you hit the ground hard
for your knock on my door will never be answered
and the phone will continue to ring.

We come from two different types of people
the ones who live down here on earth,
 they are called givers and takers by name.
As I have always given you everything
that I could and more and you have only
 taken advantage of someone who only
asked you for honesty
and nothing more in return.

In closing, I have one last thing that I
want to say when I am done writing this
letter it will be the beginning of a very sad day,
You see Poets are so much more than just
rhyming a few words down on a page,
it is a combination of all of our emotions
and feelings that are transfused
into all of the ink that we spill on a page

Throughout everything that we have gone
through. you have always been
my muse they are the ones
that inspire us the key that
unlocks the door to our gift
that we use, now there are
some that will inspire love while
others will stain in hate but
you should feel very special for
not only do you inspire me for
both I have become a master Poet
in art of lies, dishonesty, and my
personal favorites abuse, thievery,
and deceit.

However in order to end this
addiction that I have had to you
for all the drama that you bring
I needed to finally be honest
with myself believing that you
were anyone more than who
you really are, a selfish self
centered addict who cares about
only yourself and can never in life
love anyone or anything else.

The last is something that I must
do as it strikes fear deep down inside
of me for when a Poet kills
a muse he may never write
again. Muse, you are unlike any
other muses I have ever known
as the strength, you have shown
with both good and bad to
 inspire in all that I have ever written,
you have taken me higher than even
the gates of heaven and eve
lower than the depths of hell,
this journey I will always remember
for it is one that I shall never ever
regret, you have helped me and
many others to heal and show
me what love really is and why
we all must end the hate and
and finally, give peace a chance.
But the greatest gift you gave me
Is the reason that this now must
all come to an end. The link that
you share with her in real life is
with the one who I will always
love no matter all of the pain she
has caused to me for she cannot
find love for herself she can never
love anyone else. I do know now
that in our lives we will always try
to find the true love she has been who
I had been searching for, she is the
one who had danced with my soul.
These tears that are now falling
are mixed with much sadness
and joy for I smile knowing
that what I truly believed in
was real, and the sadness is for
what I now must do. I banish you|
forever in my mind, heart, and soul
never again to inspire me your ink
can no longer be allowed to flow
I must now give up my Poets
pen, the hardest thing I will ever do
for this time the door that I have
asked you to leave through
will never be allowed to open
again, in the past, I have always
believed you but I know now
that they are and always will be
nothing more than lies
for you have not only destroyed
our relationship, yourself, myself,
my muse, a gift from God to the world
and proven beyond a shadow of
 a doubt that love I am afraid
does not always win.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
A #Poets Journey
Texas Poet Laureate Nominee 2016-2020