My life

It's no secret that I am sick, my body is repaying back for the way I have treated it, I will be 53 this October and I see more and more people dying all around me that are my age and younger, to tell the truth, I have never been afraid of death, to life has got to better then this one, I have seen so much, I have done even more, my bucket list has been overflowing for a long while, I have no regrets except for those decisions I never made, I can only pray I make it to Ryder's Highschool Graduation but it is a very slim chance I will, I miss my boys Michael, Bryan, and Dakotah so much it hurts as they have left an empty hole in my heart, but who I miss more than anything is my sister Michelle, we have been through so much together, I know where she is at but respect her wishes, I have not seen her in 8 years and I miss her more than anything. I am trying hard to take care of myself but it is so hard, as my diabetes is getting worse, my congestive Heart Failure is getting worse, my Kidney disease is worse, I am not getting I'm getting worse. I have even thought about helping it along sometimes but what would Ryder do..

My tribute to the millions that suffer from Depression and loneliness I know because I do. Just know you do not need to be alone, remember that.

1-800-273-talk Call before it is too late!

Demons

These demons I fight I know are
for real from the scars on my heart
to the pain that won’t heal
I lay in my bed and try to sleep
but at night I lay awake for the
dark ones have taken all of my
dreams to forsake
my fate has been sealed and
with God's help I tried
but my world is now over as
It fell fast to their side
I fought hard with the courage
of His only son
but at the end of the battle,
I was still just only one
my entire life has been nothing
but one day in hell
because it meant nothing to me
the faster I fell
I fought back for freedom and
for the last of my sons
The Ryder I beat easy my
Addiction well it’s still on
To all those friends that I have
taken with me into my heart
you have taught me humanity
deserves a new start
please don't worry for me for
I will never really be gone
all the poems that I write for
you well they carry on
I hope when you read them and
that tear starts to call
It's okay to remember me so
please let them all fall
for people like me that are
hurting from inside
we were born into a darkness
without the light side
we hide our deep sadness from
those that we love
and could never be treated by
any doctors glove
All the smiles that we share and
laughs we hand out well
that only mask our loneliness as
we look for a way out
we still love all of our left children
and blame is theirs not
but we tried all the choices and
believe me we fought
so if the darkness doesn’t find
you don't be quick to cast out
be thankful my friend that it missed
you no doubt
Robin Williams fought with demons
and he fought a good fight
but he lost his long battle to dark
for him there was no light
so I say thank you to Robin for
all the great laughs
you have been the light in our
battle as we walk down the
same path I personally will
mourn you as my demons may win
but as the gates of heaven open
I will scream nano nano and
I will walk on in.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
A #Poets Journey