How do I get free?

How do I get free?

For as far back in my mind that I can
remember I have been running away
from all of my demons while chasing
the fire of a dragon, so much so that I have even forgotten what is was like
to just stop everything I am doing and just look up at the sun close my eyes
feel the warmth and smile, always to
afraid that one day they would finally
find me, then what was I supposed to
do anyway? I am aways fighting a war
that was over against an enemy who was never really there all the while I
was falling down deeper in a hole that
was filled of sorrow and despair, where
it felt as if I was being dragged under
by the weight of my past mistakes always fighting to climb out inch by inch
gasping for air, drowning in a frozen sea of shear loneliness and my own tears
while surrounded by the darkness so
how do I get free? I have been looking
so long for a real love to hold on to for
as far back as I can remember, alway
coming close or so I thought I was only to grab on and find out after giving out everything that I had inside of me it was
never really love at all since all the love
I had ever given never made its way back
to me, then trying so hard to make it mine while praying to God that I could
change it with His hope and strength
as I was hoping one day to make it mine
always hiding what I already knew while
I was denying the truth that I had gotten lost in what I call forevers lie of a false
eternity so how do I get free? Seems as
if since way back when every single decision that I have ever made was aways the wrong one hell making stupid
mistakes is my middle name as I am
always steping in a pile of shit as they
say, from who I was hanging out with
to drinking like an alcoholic smoking weed they called chronic skipping class just to lay out at the beach doing drugs
because it was fun then one thing
after another always wishing I could
change my decisions to another while
thinking oh brother here we go again
even no especially when it comes to
woman always meeting lost and or
broken souls with nothing at all then building them back up until they were
well again then they get together with
my good friends after I had given them everything yet getting nothing back
at all, always finding users who only
take everything but give me nothing in
return and lie and steal from me even
though I would give it to them if they
only asked which only reinforced that
nice guys like me who still believe in humanity always finish last and they
never get any ass sorry for the vulgarity that but it is true, nowadays they do
not want to be romanced no they do
not have time for that, it is more like
what can you do for me if you want a
piece of this hurry up because my
sugar daddy is coming then my husband
after that besides how much cash do
you got, so tell me please how do I get free? Please tell me how do I get free from it all the lies the users the drug
addicts and boozers how do I get free from the violence on TV, kids killing kids,
and the color of our skins, or what
religion that I pray killing all in God's, name, the homeless, the mentally ill,
we should all be ashamed, how do I get free from my ghost and PTSD or the loneliness that my depression brings
and the pain that I feel, which you may
not believe but it is real from a broken heart, so please tell me how do I get free
to love, to feel, to trust, to heal? How to
I get free from what they call humanity
because if this is what humanity is I would rather not be human at all. In fact
humans are the reason why this world is
so broken, please God can you hear me
please I beg of you I am down on my
knees praying for you to give me my
wings so I can be free to leave this place
I have had enough of the so called
humanity take me back home so I can
leave the humans where it belongs
please set me free from my human bonds let me be free to fly back home
with my wings to fly through the air
and beyond free to be who I am

Just Me.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
A #Poets Journey