I always thought that I knew what love was.

 I always thought that I knew what love was.


I am so confused when it comes to love
like in loving somebody, anybody, especially
when it comes to you. I always thought that
I knew what love was, but I was wrong, for it is
not just a feeling you get when someone is
on your mind all the time. It is not hearing I
love you when they are talking to someone
else or a wish on a star that is only falling to earth
it is not laying together on a beach on a some
hot midsummer's night or dancing outside in
the rain in Paris when the clock strikes midnight,
like I have always believed. I guess it isn't a
burning candle at dinner with flowers and
a bottle of wine on a table in Nepal, just you
and I or a two day getaway with no kids to
another town, or skinny dipping in a crystal
clear lake staying in a cabin on a bear rug by
the fireplace with no phone or TV. I always
heard it was two people making love and
looking into the eyes of each other whispering
sweet nothings into our ears saying how much
you love them until the morning light, or maybe
two people notice how I said, people not just
a man and a woman who always wants to be
only with one another only and telling each
other all their deep dark secrets and helping
each other with all their fantasies, laughing at
jokes that are not even funny, crying on your
shoulder and vice versa, never wanting to get
out of bed in the morning, missing you before
they leave already, trusting no matter what is
happening, being brutally honest with the truth
even if it is going to hurt, never wanting to be
with anybody else, being okay with not being
the first but being okay with the last of anything
but then again, I have always been a dreamer
my head filled with what is supposed to be in
a romantic way, but I guess I was wrong because
that is not what love is to you or how you treat
me when you tell me that you love me so much
so I guess love means keeping secrets and
telling lies, making fun of your husband or wife,
sleeping with other people when you're supposed
to be out with the girls or guys calling each other
names or feeling the pain of being slapped in the
face or punched in the gut, hiding bruises so we are
not found out while you are saying sorry. I love
you so much it is your fault, well if that is what love
is supposed to be. Then I guess I do not want to
be in love with you anymore or anyone at all for
that matters because I guess I was wrong. I never
have known what love ever really was or will ever
be. I guess I still have a lot to learn since I cannot
even love myself.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
A Poet's Journey

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