I always thought that I knew what love was.

 I always thought that I knew what love was.

I am so confused when it comes to love

like in loving somebody, anybody, especially

when it comes to you. I always thought that

I knew what love was, but I was wrong, for it is

not just a feeling you get when someone is

on your mind all the time. It is not hearing I

love you when they are talking to someone

else or a wish on a star that is only falling to earth

it is not laying together on a beach on a some

hot midsummer's night or dancing outside in

the rain in Paris when the clock strikes midnight,

like I have always believed. I guess it isn't a

burning candle at dinner with flowers and

a bottle of wine on a table in Nepal, just you

and I or a two day getaway with no kids to

another town, or skinny dipping in a crystal

clear lake staying in a cabin on a bear rug by

the fireplace with no phone or TV. I always

heard it was two people making love and

looking into the eyes of each other whispering

sweet nothings into our ears saying how much

you love them until the morning light, or maybe

two people notice how I said, people not just

a man and a woman who always wants to be

only with one another only and telling each

other all their deep dark secrets and helping

each other with all their fantasies, laughing at

jokes that are not even funny, crying on your

shoulder and vice versa, never wanting to get

out of bed in the morning, missing you before

they leave already, trusting no matter what is

happening, being brutally honest with the truth

even if it is going to hurt, never wanting to be

with anybody else, being okay with not being

the first but being okay with the last of anything

but then again, I have always been a dreamer

my head filled with what is supposed to be in

a romantic way, but I guess I was wrong because

that is not what love is to you or how you treat

me when you tell me that you love me so much

so I guess love means keeping secrets and

telling lies, making fun of your husband or wife,

sleeping with other people when you're supposed

to be out with the girls or guys calling each other

names or feeling the pain of being slapped in the

face or punched in the gut, hiding bruises so we are

not found out while you are saying sorry. I love

you so much it is your fault, well if that is what love

is supposed to be. Then I guess I do not want to

be in love with you anymore or anyone at all for

that matters because I guess I was wrong. I never

have known what love ever really was or will ever

be. I guess I still have a lot to learn since I cannot

even love myself.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.

A Poet's Journey