The truth about addiction

My eyes open up to the view of a dirty street someone
stole the shoes that were on my feet shivering it is so
cold broke no more dope feeling sick hungry stomach
wondering where in the hell I am this time around close
my eyes hoping this is just another nightmare but it is not
so I punch the ground break my hand and the tears begin
to fall then splash on the  so I scream out to nothing
but the echoes of my own voice looking around seeing
the shadows of myself looking back at me shaking their head
as if to say what the hell did you do this time you lose you
will never amount to anything hearing the condescending voice
of my father while seeing the disappointed look on my mothers
face hearing the screaming and the fighting as they argue
it is not their fault well he is your son then I realize that I need
to get high but I am so God damn tired and have no more
fucking strength to continue on fighting all the demons that
we ourselves all make, all the battles raging on every single
day and night falling back down to the dirty ground on my
knees as I look up to beyond and pray to God or someone
else to take my pathetic Iife I don't really care how shoot me
with a gun or stab me with a knife for I see no end in
sight I have no more hope to hold on too anymore or
 the strength to continue on in this life waking up every
morning always feeling like I am dying more each day deep
down inside all the while, I keep reaching out to something
I should not so I make another empty promise swearing to
 myself I promise just one more drink to calm my nerves then
I will quit tomorrow as I am swearing at myself that I should
have listened to what I had said the last time all the while
I keep making excuses but in actuality, I am falling faster
 and deeper into the darkness that is now below me
straight down into the fiery pits that are coming from the
depths of my own living hell so I try to fight back this time
even harder but fail miserably causing a pain to begin
coming from somewhere in my head and the center of my
breast growing stronger day by day that is making me
start to go absolutely insane, deciding that I need to now
 self medicate only fooling myself and everyone around
that I will be okay but I'm not as the darkness just will not
stop attacking me as it surrounds me and is  now part
of me living in my dreams turning them into nightmares
that scares the hell out of me while I sleep so now I need
to get high so I can just stay up and not ever go to sleep
and try to deal with it by ignoring it masking all the truths
with the lies of who I really am just an addict who is
on the run from the shadows that now follow me and the evil
Inside of screaming as loud as I can to the sound of a silent
pleas crying out for help that I cannot ever see living in a life
 that was meant for the dead and dying all alone with no friends
or family abandoned by all of those who I had loved the most
for I a have systematically in a short amount of time destroyed
all of their trust watching as all of my dreams now crumble to
the ground and turn to dust barely alive while living on the
precipice of a certain death hiding from the reality
of what it really is a disease or disorder of the heart,
mind, and soul and one without a cure that is something
that we all now should fear If you become infected
I fear that it is already too late for as it has already dug
your grave six feet down waiting for you, see once it has
you in its grips it is to late my friend you are lost
 deep down somewhere in the depths of hell married
to your demons who now will control you while they
feast slowly upon your soul laughing as you are dying
 a little more each day until the who you once were
and used to now just fade away as you become just
another forgotten memory whose name time forgot.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
A #Poets Journey
Texas Poet Laureate Nominee 2016-2020

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