Alone without you

Alone without you

I really do try hard not to think about
you even though you seem to always
find a way into my dreams at night,
waking me up from a very restless
sleep, then as my mind begins to think
back, I start to miss you so very much,
then I grab my phone just wondering if
you might be home, so I dial your number
but never call, so I write a text instead yet
never send it, to afraid you might actually
respond or answer the phone, then I would
not know what to say, I feel so lost and
alone without you, missing my friend
losing a lover, for my life nowadays
seems as if I am missing something very
important in it like the beating of my
heart as sadness now has taken control,
causing it to slowly start falling apart as
little pieces of it are lost every day we are
apart, and the pain now has become so
unbearable I just sometimes want to cut it
out, while all of the memories of my past
play over and over like it is nothing more
then a broken record as it begins to skip
between the scenes from start to end as
the silent echoes of laughter bounce
back and forth off the walls throughout
my mind and teardrops begin to fall like
a bad winters storm bringing with it raging
floods to wash away all that I was then
getting colder as the winds of change blow
in and the pouring rain turns to hail to
destroy who it is I am right now today, while
all of my life long dreams have been slowly
dying for many agonizing days and nights
and have been taken over by the frightening
nightmares of living all alone in such a lost
and broken world that is so full of violence
and anger where hate has become the king
causing love to become nothing more than
a four-letter word that nobody has time for
or believes anyways, so even as you move
on with your life traveling further down your
path away from mine those feelings that we
had shared once are now starting to fade
away, so I am digging a six foot hole, in which
I shall bury all of the secrets we hold so no
one can ever know anything at all. The hardest
part is when someone stops loving you a part
of their soul dies away and when you end a
friendship like ours it feels just as if I too have
died, so now I lay here in the darkness surrounded
by the questions which bind me to the answers
of which I will probably never know.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
a #Poets Journey