We all say things

I just thought maybe I needed to get some things said that have
been rolling around in my head because we all say things we don't
mean to say because we do not know how, or other people are
around so we become afraid to tell each other for fear of rejection
or to be ridiculed or laughed or even made fun of so instead we
say not what is inside of us but what we think you want to hear and
that is a problem. I know I am getting older I am definitely a lot slower
my body is falling apart and I am fifty-six I feel like I am eighty-six 
some mornings my mind thinks it is twelve on more occasions than
not but it does not keep me from loving you as much as I do even
after everything I have been through, I am amazed that I can love
anybody at all, but you are special to me and always have been and
It would be almost impossible for me to explain exactly what
and how I feel for and about you to you or anybody else including
myself because I cannot fully understand or grasp the amounts 
of feelings you invoke or the emotions that I feel whenever I think
about you, which by the way is all day long and from dusk until
dawn, which would be every second, minute, hour, day, week, 
and month times twelve. We meet people almost every day most
are gone pretty quickly they say hello and goodbye and that is it 
some stay a little longer just enough to learn something from each 
other than they are gone, and those hurt most of the time then you 
have lifelong friends who will always be around as they come and 
go like they are playing a cameo in the story of your life. What I
have found being around as long as I have, is that anyone can make 
you smile, but there are only very few certain people that come 
into your life that can make you happy as you do for me there is 
a difference smiles are easy and can be faked happiness is a state
of how you feel inside, but let me ask you something, sweetheart 
do you believe everything happens for a reason or that everything
should be left to fate or even maybe a little bit of both. I believe it was
fate that was at work when we met, although a little bit of luck was
working for me so long ago or we would not be here today; I love you 
and I am also in love with you and I won't lie I lust for you too because 
you are the love of my life at least in this chapter. You are everything 
I never knew I ever wanted and my every emotion and feelings are
controlled by your beautiful face and sexy voice, you are my muse 
that inspires me to write. You bring color to my eyes while everything
else is only black and white you are my soulmate whom I do not want 
to live without I can't sleep without you here because you are always 
on my mind, I can't breathe without you ever since our first kiss when 
I inhaled your essence and I will wait for you forever if I need to as I 
watch for your presence whenever you are not around I do not think I 
can exist without you anymore I feel so young when I am around you
so if you are looking for forever, which will be quite a bit longer for you
then me. I will take the batteries out of my clock so we will be stuck 
inside this moment as if time had really stopped, then I would tell you 
how much I love you every second of the day except here seconds do 
not exist so instead I will say I love you with every breath, with each smile 
and with every single kiss. You know I heard something the other day 
that made me stop and think that said if someone really cares about you,
they can hear you when you have nothing to say and it's true I hear you 
every day since you have been locked up and even though I do not have
much to give you If I could at least give you one thing, that would be the 
ability to see yourself through my eyes so you could see just how special 
you are to me I did not fall in love with you because I was looking or dating 
or wanting even needing someone I fell in love with you because you came
into my life when no one else would when I had nothing to offer but myself 
and you chose to stay and ask me to marry you I fell in love with you because 
you wanted me for who I am because of that; I fell in love with you for who 
you are and I have realized that no matter where you are or what you are
doing or who you are with, I will always honestly, truly, completely love you
until the end, I could have written about fairytales and happily ever afters 
or called you my queen or princess and that I will shower you with diamonds 
and cover you with gold, but we both know that it sounds great on paper, but 
we live here in the real world with our eyes seeing what we have seen and
though I would love to live like that all I can really promise for a gangster like
you who is locked up is that I am a real genuine life got your back homie live 
or die kind of guy who is a true-blue crew for life, loyalty, or die loving you that
 is God’s honest truth dude and that my dear is true for I will never stop loving 
you cross my heart spit in handshake hand on a Bible I swear I am telling the
truth kind of love.

Your loving and loyal husband.

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