End of my days

 When I met you for that very first time I

thought to myself she must be an angel
and God must be looking down upon me
and sent you from heaven to save me from
a life of lonely misery then before I knew it
I was down on one knee holding your hand
asking you to marry me, you said yes then
we said I do soon after we flew to heaven
and stayed there quite a while what happen
next that I am unsure because the next thing
I knew we were walking through hell itself,
fifteen years is not a short amount of time to
be together going through what we have gone
through weathering all the storms and bad
weather as we learned to love and to hate
each other but I never thought that we would
never be together always believing we could
somehow work it out like we always did, but I
guess I was wrong which would not be the
first time or even the last I never meant to hurt
you I only tried my best to fix you never wanted
to change who you are yet I only preceded in
breaking myself then we together broke us so
here we are today right now in this ugly place
with tears running down my face at this complete
destruction that you and I have caused, this is
not even close to what I dreamed of how about
you? What I wanted more than anything in the
world before I died which I know will be sooner
than later was to marry you one last time for
you are the one I have Ioved the most in my
lifetime the reason being two fold so that I would
not be alone down here in this world of chaos
and destruction but even more I would not be
alone way up there leaving you everything I have
and more so you would never need to struggle
once I go anymore. Now I will be here all alone
and up there I will not be waiting for anyone to
come home and I am not giving you anything at all
and that is why I will never heal, now it is way
late in life for me to just start over again I feel
myself slipping away from this place everyday
as I lose another piece of myself not sure how
really sure how much I have left but I can see me
fading into the darkness as joy and hope has
already abandoned this sinking ship all that is
left are the shadows of past memories trying
hard to find the happiness it used to know still
hanging on to rumors that they would be back
now anytime unaware that they were all murdered
by your own hand killing every single one of them
as you do not even care your no longer even there
leaving Ryder and I trying to survive this world of
deep despair that is dying faster everyday as you
choose your side of this war fighting side by side
with liars, thieves and whores your own people along
with the Devil and all his demons and evil for all
the wrong reasons speeding down the path of your
own destruction on the highway that needs no
introduction to a place you first came from called hell.

And just so you know these are going to be the last words I am going to say to you from the time we met until not so long ago no matter what happened to me or you even who did this or that no matter who was wrong or right you were never an afterthought or the next one in line or even second choice, you were the first person I thought of every night I went to sleep and first person I saw in the morning when I woke laying next to me and I made a list of all of those I loved most you would be number one and have been since day one and will be to the end of my days.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
A Poet's Journey