Getting harder to breathe

 I think I am finally moving forward and know that only time will tell how broken I really am or if I will ever heal because I will never find all the pieces of my shattered heart that landed on the ground then blew away in the wind; I do know that whoever does find me will need to have a lot of patience and understanding while I learn how to live my life and love again I may be old and set in my ways and I have seen some better days but I know I am a damn good person and that I actually mean something to someone somewhere and that I still have something to give and that love still exists in me somewhere, it just may take some time to find it and to make it work again, so here I am with my baggage and all, tears running down my face but at least I am standing tall.

Getting harder to breathe

I found out that it is getting harder to breathe ever since
you have been gone for when you left I lost my breath
never did it return, the hole you left inside of me down
deep in my soul, never has been filled, as the teardrops
keep on falling to the ground, especially when I am alone
to face my fears. the sadness grows all around, surrounding
me like a fog rolling in from the sea waiting for a light to
shine, to show you the path to take that will bring you back
home to me even my heart is beating slower with every
rising of the sun waking up to a lonely bed, missing you so
very much. I just wanted to let you know that there is
something more that I need to say to you that will more
than likely go unheard for no matter how much time and
miles pass, on by, the pain grows, even more, the missing pieces of my heart will never be found again, as my soul
is still grieving for its mate, mourning the loss of his lover,
and best friend, which I thought we were since the day
they discovered one another through prayers of faith or
maybe it was truly fate fighting all those rumors from
all the others who said it would never work that we
would not last proving them all wrong for so long
because of our ages and that forever was a long way off,
and even though through the good times and bad we
tried the best that we knew how giving it everything we
could yet no matter what we did, it was just never quite
good enough but even though we lost we still loved we
fought some tremendous battles all in the name of love
and are veterans in what I call loves war, you may be
gone from my life no longer your husband or you my wife
but I do still miss you, my beautiful muse. You gave me
all the best times I have had in my entire life, along with
all the memories from our better times and places you
filled my head with all the words and gave my heart the
ability to convert them into poetic verses, then you filled
all the wells down deep in my soul with the special ink
that was pumped through my veins from my beating heart

onto the blank canvases of my life where I wrote all the
beautiful poems like an artist painting a scene of his
beautiful queen for a priceless work of art. You once
brought the light to my dark, when I thought I was at the
end you took my hand showing me the path to take to
the start you showed me heaven, we both walked hand
in hand through the very depths of hell, you showed me
all the angels, and together we fought the demons from
our very own living hell, you saved me from falling I
caught you before you hit the ground you gave me so
much happiness when I had none the day you handed
me a bundle of joy when you gave me my fourth son, one
to love me unconditionally since you never knew how
you taught me what evil is and the meaning of hate you
took everything from me even more than I gave I learned
what a lie was from the truth that lived in your games
I felt the excruciating pain that came from broken hearts
when our love ran out and the meaning of loneliness
without a doubt, you made me get stronger since I was
weak so I could get up and rise back up upon my feet you,
even strengthened my heart, coming back with every loss
and defeat but remember this even though you never
really loved me and used me even times when you abused
me I was always there for you and today in fact, you are
probably filled with hate, so I wanted you to know that I
am so very sorry that I tried so hard to help you or even fix
you I never knew that you cannot fix someone that does not
know they are broke because all you do is break yourself I
should have been there for you I should have let you hit
the ground instead of helping you I only hurt you instead
I blame myself for loving you way too much, or maybe it
was I did not love you enough. Either way, I am sorry for
all the pain I caused you with all the words I said you hurt
me deeply and that hurt turned to rage just know that I never
meant to hurt you in any way I am here to forgive you for
everything you did I do not hate you no not at all I felt
sorry for you for your actions are not really your fault but
what I do feel is thankful for letting me be a leading man
in your play a couple of chapters in the story of your life
and even though our once upon a time did not make it to
a happily ever after I do still love you and I always will.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
A Poet's journey