That was a long time ago

 When it comes to depression I am the king of the darkness being diagnosed with severe clinical depression and PTSD I have lived with it my entire life and it has caused me many relationships and friendships no matter how good my life maybe headed it is always shadowed by this horrific disease. You tell somebody to chill or take a pill or scream and yell at them but all that does is cause them to retreat farther down into that sadness that they know so well because when you have been in the darkness for so long your eye will grow accustomed to the dark and the light will only hurt our eyes.

Suicide Prevention 24 Hour Crisis Hotline 1-877-466-0660

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

That was a long time ago

Once upon a time, I lived happily ever after but that
was a long time ago, way back in a time when I still
believed in fairy tales and wishing on falling stars, no
Santa Claus or even love, or the magic of any kind, no
family nor friends or even the end since it feels like
that day will never come, as the matter of fact I do not
believe in anything at all, as my life goes on day after
day while it gets darker with everyone I lose, I feel so
lonely no matter who might be around I even try to smile
but I forgot what laughter was all about or how no
nothing at all matters to me I cannot even care about
all the things I liked to do I just do not want to do
anything anymore and the people that I cared about
the most in my life well they do not care for me at all, I
look in the mirror and what do I see a stranger standing
there so I close my eyes to the darkness where all of
the nightmares begin showing me visions of a life that
I have no idea, with smiling babies, and fun times I wish
that I was there, so I start to cry but no teardrops will
fall, unlike the rain that has been falling for as long as
I can remember, so I lay in my bed where I spend most
of my day, staring out at an empty wall except for a few
broken frames with photographs that are torn or missing,
I wonder for a moment what day it really was but who
am I kidding I could not tell you the month or year or
where I am even living, I have been alone in the darkness
for so long now that the light will hurt my eyes, I have
gotten used to the quiet and even the sound of the cars
passing me by, besides I never need to worry again about
being used or the pain of a broken heart inside no
more lies or COVID 19 outside I will stay right here locked
away inside my mind.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
A Poet's Journey


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