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 Are we really the master of?

I have always said that blood or DNA
does not always mean family and really
is not that much thicker than water I
mean take a damn good look at me, I
am the epitome of an excommunicated
proverbial black sheep of the family and
to tell the truth, I am very honored that
I am thought of that way, and even my
son Ryder whom I fought an all-out war
over and who the world and beyond both
up in heaven with His blessing and down
below, where my battles with my demons
are all well-known they talk when you get
sent home, knows me as his father even dad
regardless of who his sperm donor is, so I
sit back and start to really wonder if are we
really the so-called captain of our own ship?
Do we really navigate through our own time
and space? Are we the true masters of our
own fate? Or is our life already predestined
and no matter what we say or do it will end
up the same anyway, what do you think is it
luck or fate? Or could it be something else
entirely all together? Then I began to think
about how we all turn out in life. There are
some very good some pretty bad while
others are happy yet some are sad, and some
of us die young and others live hard and long
but all in all, I do say, does it really matter,
because it is all just a huge gamble just like
a throw of the dice in Las Vegas standing
at the craps table, where I have been many
times in my lifetime, and have always
crapped out but think about it for a few
minutes is it our fault how bad we may turn
out? I mean from the beginning we are all
born to fail, here is what I mean I, or we
should say did not have a choice to the
parents from whom we are really born to or
even where it may be that they call home
nor do we have a say if we want to be a boy
or a girl well I should say that we can now
choose later in this day and age or even the
color of our skin and I do not recall the choice
of being fat or skinny or even short or tall
the color of our eyes or hair color and or if
we wanted two boobs or two balls nobody
asked us what city, state, or country that we
would like to be from, the language that you
are taught or the religion that we are raised,
Nope, in fact, nobody asked us anything at
all, I mean there we were floating around in
the warm waters just listening to the soft
voices of our mother and father and the
soothing beat of our mother's heart, sleeping,
eating, and not a worry in our entire little
world then without any kind of warning we
get evicted while being squeezed, pulled,
and pushed out through little place where
we spend the rest of our lives trying to get
back into or keeping guys like me out of
depending on your gender coming out into
the freezing cold and way too bright a world
full of hate, anger then we are slapped for
Absolutely nothing while still trying to take
a breath and learn to breathe, and always
starving, while needing to pee, so we scream
as loud as we can and stare at all of the strange
people naked cold thinking what the hell ok
I am a grower not a shower and hearing voices
we have never heard of speaking in a language
that we cannot begin to understand but wait,
hold on as we hear a familiar sound trying so
hard to open our tiny eyes feeling a little better
all wrapped up now so warm and tight as we
are handed around the room in a circle like a
a jerk joint or maybe something else, hey come
on no bogarting me as the voice we know is
getting louder than finally after what seemed
like an eternity we are placed on her, the one,
and look up and stare right back at Mom and
try to smile, but only let out some gas so
the smile gets even bigger and starts to listen
again to the beating of her heart rocking back
and forth feeling just a little bit like the day
before ignoring all the others knowing she is
our mother sucking on her udder and that is
why everybody stares at and usually the first
thing we grab no matter what our age is then fall
asleep to dream, and that will be the easiest
time of your life because if we are extremely
lucky you might be born into money with a silver
spoon in your mouth and everything, but please
try to remember money cannot buy you love, so
if not, that is okay too as long as you have a loving
family so if you're not too happy with how things
are right now try and remember that there is
always someone else who has it worse than you,
like being born into slavery or a war-riddled
county or no parents at all, so basically what it
boils down to is this we are only here on this
rock for a very short time in the grand scheme
of all things just try to be happy and get along
with everyone and try to remove hate because
it will make your time here that much more
miserable you do not need money to be happy
or famous like an actor or a rockstar just try to
inspire at least three people then they will then
inspire three people and when it is over at the
very least you left this place a little better than
when you got here.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.
A Poet's Journey