Once upon a long time ago.

Once upon a long time ago

At one time back in the past once upon 

a long time ago I can still remember a 

very short moment in time when I could 

still feel all of my emotions not just a 

feeling of sadness all of the time, I was 

for the most part happy, I went out with 

my friends we joked and laughed had a 

great time hoping it would last, I had my 

children in my life doing the best that I 

knew how to survive and even though 

we may have argued and disagreed you 

tell me a father and son that didn't and I 

have some ocean front property in Arizona 

to sell you along with a ten foot yacht, 

and family my brother and sister even my 

grandmother, God rest her soul. No, it 

may not have been perfect I had my issues 

that is for sure, like bills to pay there 

was never enough money I had mouths 

to feed three boys that were growing 

eating me out of house and home that was

including myself, but then again as I have 

said before is there anyone out there that

has a perfect life, no, I do not think so. But

at least I was not so lonely as I am now

so riddled with self inflicted guilt full of 

nothing but deep sorrow and never ending 

regret, feeling sorry for myself wishing 

that I could take back every decision I 

had ever made in my life because looking 

back I do not think there was even one 

decision I have ever made that was right 

not a single one at all I should have said no

whenever I said yes, when I said yes I 

should have meant no, I should have had 

my eyes wide open not looking in one 

direction like i was wearing blinders over 

them, I should have said that I love you 

a hell of a lot more often to all of my dear 

sons so they did not need to ask or wonder 

if whenever I was gone, I should have said 

I am sorry and meant it more often for all

the things I have done, I should have been 

a much better father helping out more to 

raise all of them, I should have made those 

phone calls like I always said I would, I 

should have sent them money when they 

needed it anyway I could, I should have

been there more for them when they were 

growing up, I should have made the time 

like I told myself I would no matter what, I 

should have been more honest with myself 

and everyone I should have blamed myself 

instead of placing it on everyone else I 

should have used my time so much wiser 

when I had it instead of using it on women 

drugs and booze I should be down on my 

knees begging God and others for 

forgiveness yes I should of done all of that 

and more back when I had all the time 

in the world or so i thought i did but now 

it is to late for my time is running out so 

I again made another one of my many 

mistakes for time does not care if you are

right or even wrong it never stops for anything

or anyone it is always moving forward never

back never changing speed it always moves

so fast so if I was you and you still got the 

time start making amends for all the things

you, pick up the phone and make that call

let them no how sorry you are and how much

you love them do not wait you just do not

have the time tell those whom you love how 

much they mean to you then show them all.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.

A Poet's Journey