I have forgotten

I have forgotten

I wonder what it was I might

have done in my life to

deserve just how it is that I

feel, which I can tell you

starts with a sadness so

deep I can feel it all the way

down to my soul, just like

whenever I close my eye at

night and try to dream a

darkness will take full control

causing my body to shiver

and shake aching from the

bitter cold, I just do not know

why it feels like I am always

so alone no matter who it is

that may be around and why

can I not smile anymore is it

because I have forgotten

what laughter is all about?

Now that I have been 

thinking it seems to me that

the only thing I can feel is

only numb inside, I cannot

love or even hate it is like my

emotions have either got lost

or maybe even died in fact I

do not care about anything at

all not even my own fate, so

now I guess am stuck right

here where I stand since they

all say that you should never

need to go backwards to face

your past again and moving

forward is something that I

just could never quite

comprehend so now I feel 

like I am a zombie walking

here and there like I am in a

fog wandering back and forth

to and fro never remembering

where I was why I was there

then not knowing where it is

I am supposed to go, I try so

hard to scream, shout and or

cry but not a teardrop will fall,

feeling no hurt, no joy, no pain,

no nothing, nothing at all, I look

outside to find the sun but a

darkness is all I see not a single

 ray of light will shine so I fall

hard down to my knees shaking

my head wondering to myself

outloud as I look up to sky not

sure if He is even home or even

worse if I can still believe, for

I have no fear at all of death

or even heaven way above

because I have already been

traveling through the very

depths of hell coming back

from the valley of death

where I left the shadows

of my past alive and well trying

to find my future finding it is

only just a blur watching as

the sands of time now fall

faster then before with each

and every grain of sand

etched with the faces of my

life every single one I had

truly loved who have all but

now forsaken me leaving me

to die alone as true love can

and will never last in a world

such as this.

Poet Richard M Knittle Jr.

A Poet's Journey